Ellerslie, CO

This is not an attempt to explain everything that has happened in my life since I last wrote - that has never been my intention. But with so many dear friends so far flung, I would like to give you a peek into where I have gone and what I have done, with one big description and a handful of pictures.

"At first being at Ellerslie was all about the newness. Acclimatization was the first and foremost hurdle - made higher by the arresting previous four weeks, the excitement and sorrow and goodbyes of the wedding just before, the whirlwind leaving and border crossing, and the all-night drive. But the newness was quickly surpassed by information, inspiration, and conviction, getting dumped on us load after load, each session - relentless, continuous, building, overwhelming. Eventually we caught up with our progress, and began to really thoroughly enjoy ourselves, until in the end of the third and beginning of the fourth weeks passivity briefly became a concern.

"But coming on fast and quickly overtaking all the other problems was the end of the semester and the inevitable goodbyes to what had now suddenly become all our favourite and closest friends. We dreaded it, and saw the dread in each other's eyes. How could we separate now? Why had we spent any time - almost three whole weeks! - being anything but all the best of chums? If only - !

"But the goodbyes must come, and now they were the day after tomorrow. Tick, tick, tick. Our last minutes together slipped away and we found ourselves eating pie and ice cream by firelight on the last evening, laughing ourselves sick and thinking - at that moment somewhat distastefully - of home, to which we headed the next day, weeping as we extricated ourselves from clutching embraces.

"It was a long, quiet, melancholy two-and-a-half day trip home. We stopped and stayed with a new family each night, and met and talked with them cheerfully enough, all the while thinking sadly of the time and people we had left and longingly of home. We were glad for the long drives each day, to reminisce, listen moodily to music, and gaze out the window unseeing, lost in memories.

"To arrive home then, and start to try and implement what we had been taught - to live relying on Jesus and seeking Him - was to have to jump back over the hurdle, now made doubly high by all the turmoil of these added goodbyes and experiences.

"All this to say, I am not the person I was before September 4th, who wasn't the person I was before August 8th. I am stepping forth into an unexplored vacuum, holding tight to the hand of the dear One Who is changing me."

I spent a week at Fisher Bay Bible Camp in August. Here we play British Bulldog.

My best cousin Isabelle wedded Joe on September 4th.

Our Goertzen family; crushed, broken, grieving, rejoicing.

Chums and laughs at Ellerslie.

We spent many hours a day in sessions...

...and doing homework in the warm Colorado sunshine.

The class, including four Lawrensons.

So Long, Farewell

Promise you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave.

-A.A. Milne

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard!

-A.A. Milne

Goodbyes make you think. They make you realize what you've had, what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted.

- Ritu Ghatourey

It feels right. But it's emotional. Saying goodbye to anything you've done that long is hard.

-Angela Ruggeiro

You endure what is unbearable, and you bear it. That is all.

-Cassandra Clare

Some tears are iron forged.

-Jay Kristoff

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

-Dr. Seuss

Adieu! I have too grieved a heart to take a tedious leave.

-William Shakespeare

I said goodbye-for-now to my charges yesterday - and then wished I'd brought a water bottle for the drive home. Phew! It was tough, and will continue to be.

---

My friend, Jesse Louden, painted this expression of me. It is.

The Dog Days of Summer

I am tentative to write about my nannying experience - I am still so in the midst of it, and the stories I could tell seem best suited to in-person conversations, rather than on-paper tales. There are all the times I have to discipline, for example, and the more frequent times when I am made to laugh at some comment or deed done by cute and budding humanity, which do not transfer well to hard and toneless paper. The stories told me from the bathtub are not best related via video, and all the delight of a 20-minute drive to the beach cannot be captured in a photo, however, so I find I must resort to the keyboard for at least a portion of the reporting process.

I sit beside the bathtub, having quickly done a bathroom-cleaning, and ready to listen to whatever story is being energetically pretended in the water. Is it the Mommy, Daddy, and Baby Teradactyls, or the cars falling repeatedly off the cliff with matching brum-peeeeooooo noises? Too, the most interesting life observations and stories from the past come during bathtime. And when I say, "Now it's time to wash your hair and come out," the protest, "But I wanted a BIG bath!" makes me laugh.

This frightening creature is the "Terror-of-all", and was a multi-day teamwork project, requiring an Overseer, several Lookers for pieces, and a couple of Builders, all with grand ideas of how the finished product should look. It was a marvelous way to keep idle hands busy while I'm not there to supervise. It was proudly shown off to me the next morning, and all the subsequent mornings when some change to bodily function had been devised and effected.

The moment when written English clicks in a kid's brain is marvelous to witness - and since one is still young enough to be humble I am teaching him reading-aloud skills with the now-unnecessary lesson time.

The scores, the steals, the wins, the finds, the deals, the bargains, the growing collections - they also must be shown off and told about - "Guess what I found at the thrift store this weekend?" "You'll never guess what I bought," "Guess what?", and "COME HERE!" are all common greetings on a Monday morning.

The typewriter was a fun saga. I was so excited to use it that the kids actually dictated the first few pages of a novel (about Archer-man!) the first day. Then it developed a technical issue and got shuffled aside. The issue was resolved but I haven't seen it since.

Piggies by Don + Audrey Wood is a great book. The kids noticed details about the illustrations that I never would have seen in a lifetime of trips through it. Also, does anyone have a tip on the best way to have a kid on one's lap while reading storybooks? Their head always seems to get in the way, which is fine while you're just looking at the pictures, but can get nose-bumpy if you try to read the words.

I suppose it's my fault they write letters. It started as a school project, but Aunties somehow always write back with more questions, so I'll still see a reply lying on the counter occasionally, or an envelope ready to receive contents, and sometimes take dictation for one or two of the younger ones when I have the energy (or don't have the energy for anything else).

The kitchen sink window is one of the most important spaces in a house. You spend a lot of time looking out of it, especially if you do not have a dishwasher. I had a few precious, tiny plants on its sill in the winter, but they froze one time, to be replaced now by one vase, ready for whatever small treasure one or other of the kids might find in the yard and bring in to me. In spring it was a marvelous place to watch the kids fixing and riding their bikes on the lawn outside, and now their tricks on the trampoline, long, lazy swings on the tire, or fire-tending vigils.

The garden is growing well. It was a bit of an adjustment for me to garden in the extremely sandy soil, after our gummy clay, but I am really enjoying it now, with a plot for vegetables and a raised bed for perennials. Planting perennials means a lot - it means you hope to be around to care for them year after year, and it means you trust in the Lord and His ability to grow things without help. I am always amazed when I leave a garden and know it will have grown by the time I come back, no labour involved. We are all looking forward with growing excitement to picking and eating the peas - they're flowering already. The tomatoes, peppers and carrots will ripen after I'm gone to camp or Bible School. You're welcome to come and pick them in my absence!

It is such a blessing to live within afternoon-outing distance of a beach. I have already lost count of the number of times we've gone this summer. If it is a hot day and the kids get the house clean before lunch (I always leave the decision to them: Work - Reward, or Don't - None), we throw some towels and a diaper in the van and head for the water. Also, I have a beef with "the people in charge" of the weather, as it is always shivery cold when we arrive at the beach, no matter how hot the morning was. "Can you come out into the deep end with us again?" is mostly a welcome question.

To her little brother: "Mom taught me to pump, when she was still alive, so now I can teach you to pump."

My days are filled with these little things.